Cheri, Chibi, Usagi, and me
by Koolkat007
Summary: Chapter 6 up, sorta. basically a teenage boy gets struck by lightning and is transported to the chobits world and turned in to a persocom. He beseeches the reader to believe him. Those of you obsessed with SM, don't read unless you can laugh at it
1. Prolouge

Cheri, Chibi, Usagi, and me.  
  
I'm a human. Or at least I used to be. No really, I was! I know, I know. I've got the ears. And the possessed looking eyes. Even my owner, and my two sister Persocoms don't believe me. Please, listen to me; maybe I can convince you, if no one else. Maybe, if I can convince one person that I was human, maybe I can start believing it again myself. It's hard to hang onto hope after two years of Sailor Moon Hell. Sorry, I'm rambling again. I guess I should start at the beginning.  
  
My name is Ashe Sargeni, or Salgeni Ashe, as they say it here. What's with the Japanese and R's? I was once just an ordinary 16-year-old American teenager, playing video games all the time, bugging my parents to get me a car etc. I was a bit of a loner, so I only had one real good friend. She was a girl named Sarah, and before you say anything, no, she was not my girlfriend! Well, the two of us were walking home one day because her truck was in the shop, when it started raining. Hard. Then the lightning started and I started to wish we'd taken the bus. I was telling Sarah this, when a bolt of lightning shot out of the sky and hit the ground directly in front of me. I looked up in time to see another bolt coming, and everything went white. 


	2. Arrival

_A/N: 3/25/04 Yeah! I got reviews! Kris, Ahara, please note, pointedly ignores explosions in the distance this is not the place for ex-lover's quarrels. Go to Furc or a public bulletin board. Don't review unless it has something to do with the fic._

_A/N 05/17/04 Gomen na Sai! I haven't had a chance to update lately. Kodai was a typo. It should be Kohai. It's a suffix used with someone who is your underclassman or your inferior within an organization, which is the sense in which Cheriko uses it. Thanks to every one who has reviewed, and don't give up on me! This is the last week of school so I should be able to update more soon! Though The Curse of ADHD is dragging me to FL… If you like FFX or just characters stuck in horrid but amusing situations, read her stuff! She too, hasn't been updating much cause her laptop died, but once I go over there and reinstall word she'll update more._

**Cheri, Chibi, Usagi, and me.**

When I came to, I was lying in the street, which was inexplicably dry, and an Asian girl with blonde hair pulled up like Sailor Moon's was leaning over me. Well, blonde's not really the right word for that color. It's honest-to-god yellow. When she saw my eyes were open, she turned to the purple-haired girl standing next to her and started babbling in Japanese. "Weird ears." I thought fuzzily. The purple-haired one's ears were big plastic, roughly triangular things, Pink on the top and white on the bottom. "Where have I seen ears like that before?" I thought to myself. Anime. Chobits.

"Persocom? I said out loud. The purple-haired one nodded, and knelt down next to me. She squeezed my ear and took the cable and hooked it up to her ear. Suddenly Japanese characters started rushing past my eyes. After a couple seconds, they stopped, and the purple-haired one disconnected the cable and started talking to the other girl.

"He's an American model with no registered user, and an unusually powerful CPU. I installed the Japanese language software."

Suddenly I realized they'd been speaking in Japanese, and I'd understood it! Then the meaning of their words hit me. "I'm a Persocom?"

"Yes dear, you are. Poor thing, half your circuits must have been scrambled by the lightning. I'm Cheriko." The Persocom said to me, "This is Usagi. She'll be your new user."

Usagi said, "Register new user. Usagi. Password Moon Prism Power Make UP."

"User registered." I found myself saying. "Why the hell did I say that!"

"Um, it's the default response to registering a user. What kind of Persocom are you, anyway?" Usagi asked. Then she glomped me and said, "Yea! My very own male Persocom! Now I have someone to dress up as Tuxedo Kamen-sama!"

I froze. "Tuxedo…Kamen? From Sailor Moon?"

"The one and only!" Usagi replied. "And if you're more coordinated then Cheriko, I'll even let you put my hair in dodangos for me."

If I hadn't been sitting on the street already, I would have fallen to my knees. As it was, I just looked up at the sky and screamed. "Why? Why? WHY!"

I love anime, and I try to keep an open mind, but there are two things I cannot stand, (A/N _Ashe's viewpoints are not those of the author. He's based on a friend who really has these viewpoints. 'Sides, they make things more… interesting_) Yaoi, and Sailor Moon. That show is evil! My little sister once made me watch the S movie, and I nearly clawed my eyes out! Why did the first person to find me have to be a Sailor Moon fangirl? Why?

People were beginning to stare at this point. Cheriko turned and said, "Please don't mind him. He was struck by lightning, and his circuits seem a bit scrambled." They seemed to accept this explanation, and went on. Cheriko yanked him to his feet with more strength then he would have expected from her thin frame, and smiled. "Follow me please, Ashe-kohai."

"Kohai! What am I, an errant younger student?"

"Well actually, in the service of Usagi-jo you are exactly that. Please come along. You are making a scene." She dragged me along behind her to an apartment building nearby. We went up the elevator to the fifth floor, and then I had a sinking feeling I knew exactly which apartment was my new owner's. A banner hung on the door of apartment 540 with Sailor Moon on one side and Sailor Mercury on the other. In the middle it read "Rumiko Usagi" in kanji. I moaned again.

As soon as she opened the door the overpowering scent of roses nearly bowled me over, and nary a flower in sight. Instead, Sailor Moon posters and wall scrolls covered every square inch (or should I say centimeter? For some reason I still think in the standard system, though I haven't had a chance to use it for anything in two years) of wall space, except for one little corner dedicated to the rest of the anime in the world, and the ceiling, even. There was a big collectables cabinet filled with Sailor Moon stuff, including a heart-shaped bottle labeled "Moon Revenge-Perfume of the Sailor Senshi" which appeared to be the source of the stench filling the room. I shuddered. It was… disturbing to say the least. There were a couple posters and one figurine that made me want to claw the eyes (excuse me visual receptors) out of my head, encompassing the two things I hate most in one image. They must have been made and sold by fans, 'cause I doubt Naoko Takeuchi would have approved. And I was expected to _live_ here? "It burns!" I gasped, collapsing onto the thick pink-with-crescent-moons-patterned carpet. The last thing I saw before blacking out was a small black cat walking on me.

"Meow?"


	3. Sailor Moon RPG night, and the Minature ...

Sailor Moon RPG night, and the miniature borg. 

_A/n Sorry it took so long to get this up. I've been working on another chapter of love conquers all that I haven't posted yet, and I didn't know where this story, born of spite, frustration, and sarcasm was going. But my friend just gave me an idea, so here it goes. there is a Sailor Moon RPG, believe it or not. But I've never played it, so if you have don't expect Usagi Rumiko's version to agree with the real thing I don't know if it sends out author alerts for replacing a chapter with new content. How do you feel about me posting incomplete chapters? tell me in your reviews. Is it better to have something, or should I hang on to a chapter and not post till it's done?_

_9/01/04 Still not done, but added over half a page so read the new stuff._

9/29/04 and 28 days later... I'm Done! this chapter is finished!

_Oh yeah glossary._

_RPG role playing game_

_RP-er role player_

_D&D Dungeons and Dragons( popular rpg)_

When I woke up, A black cat was standing on my chest with a so-called laptop Persocom straddled over its back.

"Hi hi. I'm Chibiko. Usagi-jo's laptop. Wake up sleepy head, the rp'ers are coming over tonight!"

"Rp-ers? Like D&D?" I asked.

"No, silly! The Sailor Moon RPG! You're gonna be Tuxedo Kamen! " Suddenly the persocom's eyes glowed red, and her high squeaky voice lowered a couple octaves. "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE! YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED." Her eyes shifted back to their normal light purple. "Sorry, my last owner was obsessed with dubbed episodes of Star Trek. I have occasional flashbacks. " Her voice was its normal squeaky pitch. I noticed there was a weird patch of exposed wiring on her temple, and another on her tiny wrist. "Fortunately, Usagi-jo still has her Tuxedo Kamen costume that she used to force her older brother into before he went off to college. You look like you're about the same size."

"Do I have to?"

"Yup yup yup. Persocoms have to obey their owners, and the orders relayed from the owner by other Persocoms, since we can't lie, it's fool proof!"

"What? But what if you don't want to do something?"

"Why would you not want to? All Persocoms want to make their owners happy! YOU WILL BE JOINED WITH THE COLLECTUM!" (Another freaky eyes and voice moment). "Wow, two flashbacks in one day? You really bring out the best in people, huh?" Chibiko added in her normal voice. "Here, Usagi says you have to let me dress you. And don't hurt me. Stand up, then don't move. "

I did so, and smiled with satisfaction as the cat and Persocom went flying. And you know what the damn cat did? It dug its claws in my shirt, leaving long rips as the cheap material gave under it's considerable weight. "Hey, I liked that shirt! I protested. It was my "Sailor scouts, revolt! " shirt that has all the other scouts ganging up on Sailor Moon. I hate them all, but Sailor Moon is the worst.

Chibiko came running in dragging the Tuxedo Kamen costume behind her. I hadn't even realized she was gone. I tried to run the other direction, but I couldn't move. Apparently Chibiko was right, I couldn't disobey. I watched with growing horror and humiliation as she striped me down to my underwear and put on the costume of the loathsome rose throwing warrior, being able to move only as specifically allowed by Chibiko. Finally the outfit was complete.

"Okay, now you can move, but no removing, hiding, or destroying your costume or anyone else's, and no hurting anyone or anything, and no doing anything that could possibly embarrass Usagi-jo in front of her guests. Oh yeah, I won't order you not to, but it's not a good idea to steal Ryo-oh-ke's carrots. And no leaving the apartment!" She scurried away, then came right back. "Oh yeah, I forgot to give you the RPG rules!" She pulled the cable out of her ear and approached me menacingly.

"No! I don't want any sailor moon information! I know too much as it is!" but she cornered me, and started the upload. I screamed. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

About the same time as she finished the upload, the doorbell rang, or rather played the Japanese theme song for Sailor Moon. "Moonlight Desetsu" something in the knowledge Chibiko had forced into me identified it as. A girl pranced into the apartment wearing a close approximation of Sailor Moon's outfit but with a pink skirt and collar and pale blue bows. Her medium brown hair was styled like Sailor Moon's hair also, but with dodongos shaped like hearts. In one hand she carried a pad of paper and a binder, and in the other she carried a sword that seemed to be made of a giant carrot, but on closer inspection proved to be orange plastic.

"Usagi-chan!" she screeched, hugging Usagi, who was dressed up in full Sailor Moon regalia (a/n Anime, early S series, when she gets the heart-shaped compact, if you must know).

"Hi, hi. This is Hanajima Usagi, Hana-chan, this is my new Persocom, Ashe." Usagi answered.

"Aw, he's so cute!" Hana-chan replied, walking over and glomping me, totally ignoring the fact that I was attempting to curl up into a ball. "Ryo-oh-ke, I'll give you a carrot if you take our picture!" She yelled Into the hall. A weird looking Persocom pranced in.

"Carrot?" it asked, tilting its head. She obligingly took the photo. 'Her' hair was dark brown, and she wore a red leather dress similar to one of dark Chi's from Chobits. Her ears were the strangest part, though. They were like Ryo-oh-ke's from Tenchi. Chibiko appeared from somewhere and handed her the desired veggie. She chewed on it happily, crunching loudly.

Soon three other girls arrived, dressed as Mars, Mercury, and Venus. "Ashe, these are Oshito Sera, Yamaguchi Momo, and Akira Ichigo. Girls, meet my new Persocom Ashe, and tonight's Tuxedo Kamen-sama!" Usagi said happily.

"Carrot?" asked Ryo-oh-ke hopefully, chewing on the end of Hana-chan's sword.

"Sorry, plastic." Hana-chan replied. "Where do we start? New campaign, or do we continue last week's?"

I got bored of this extremely quickly, and tried to access my web comics. To my surprise, it worked. I could see whatever was on the screen projected over the physical world. When I ran out of web comics I started reading fanfics, careful to avoid the three big terms (a/n for him, Yaoi, Slash, shonen ai), and romance stuff altogether, mostly. When my character was needed in the game, I just did whatever they told me to do and then went back to reading, But then Sera, who was serving as dungeon master, became complacent, and asked me an open ended question instead of just telling me to do something.

"Tuxedo Kamen, you have just found out that the girl known as Usagi has in her possession the Silver Imperium Crystal. You believe you need this crystal to find your Princess. What do you do?"

"I decide there is only one acceptable course of action. I get some explosives and blow her up, knowing the Crystal would not be harmed." I answered

"Roll for Damage, Usagi, Ashe." Sera commanded.

We rolled the dice.

"What?! That's not fair! I'm down to one hit point!" Usagi yelled. She pulled out a moon scepter. Where she was hiding it, I don't know, and don't particularly want to find out. My new Sailor Moon information database informed me that it didn't match her costume, being Usagi's weapon in the latter part of SuperS. It looked like a sword with wings on the hilt and no point. Usagi did a complex series of motions I paid no attention to, until she started yelling.

"MOOON...GOURGOUSS.... MEDITATION!" then she poked me with it. Apparently something she did had activated a tazer in the thing, because I twitched around from electrical shock, then lost consciousness. My last coherent thought was, "funny, being shocked as a Persocom feels the same as being shocked as a human, except it seems to hurt more...."

_09/29/04 A/N Yeah! I finished chapter 3! Sorry it took so long! Um, no it wasn't where you're probably thinking... The moon scepter was hidden in her hair, hanging from a hook on the jewel thing. There's probably something hanging from the other dodongo also, I wonder what? R&R! email me if you already reviewed this chapter and tell me what you think of the ending._


	4. Bishonen Todd and The Sparkle Paralysis ...

Bishounen Todd and The Sparkle Paralysis Ray

_A/N sorry it took so long to get around to working on this, FFX-2 is evil. So is school. Nuf said. _

_12-19-04A/N domo arigato to my wonderful readers who haven't killed me yet, I've got good news and bad news. Good news for all of you clamoring for longer chapters, you're about to get one. Bad news is there's going to be a lot of explanation etc, involved, well at least as much as I ever give you, but I'll try my best to keep it amusing, and I've got 2 weeks no school, yay!_

When I opened my eyes I found myself staring into a pair of huge purple eyes. Not a Persocom at least. I sneezed. A strand of long lavender hair was tickling my nose.

"Um, are you okay? I'm Yurashima Todahashi, I'm a friend of Usagi's older brother."

Well, that proved I was still in the Anime world. Damn. Judging by the sea of pinkness I was laying in, I was still in Usagi's apartment, even. Which brought to mind another question.

"I'm Ashe. Why are you here, Todihesh- aw forget it, I'll just call you Todd, aren't you afraid they're going to dress you up in some weird costume? Can you get me out of here?" Suddenly a horrible thought struck me. "Please tell me you're not gay."

"I'm straight, and I don't do Persocoms anyway. As far as how I dare come in here, well, let's just say I'm good at stopping girls in their tracks, okay? Um, why do you want to get out of here? Scratch that. I understand completely, your outfit speaks for itself. How can you want to get out of here? Aren't Persocoms generally programmed to _want_ to obey orders? As for getting you out of here, I don't know. You're one messed up Persocom, you know that?"

" I'm Going to eat your Soul. I'm not a Persocom! I'm a real boy! How do you deflect them? Please teach me! My sanity depends on you!" I pleaded. "I was just walking home from school and got struck with lightning, now I'm here! And I'm like this! I was human, I swear!"

"Those American programmers have a twisted sense of humor. Unfortunately, my technique isn't something I can teach you…" suddenly we heard the rattle of a key in the lock, and chattering voices outside. "But you're about to get a demonstration, anyway. They went to see the revival of Sailor Moon: the musical, but they're back." He got up from the kneeling position he'd been sitting in the whole time, and then, as the door opened, he _Smiled_. His eyes seemed to glow, and sparkles and sakura petals swirled around him. The gaggle of teenage girls, and even the Persocoms just stared, and I could swear I saw little hearts hovering in the air above their heads. Then they swooned into a heap.

"I call that the Sparkle Paralysis Ray. It is my gift, and my curse. Let me grab my glasses and then we'll get the Hell out of here." He grabbed a pair of glasses with lenses at least half an inch thick and a ponytail holder, and then climbed over the mountain of swooned females. I quickly scrambled after him into the hallway, and slammed the door shut. Well, I tried to. Somebody's leg was in the way. I gave up closing the door and raced down the hallway after Todd, who now looked totally different from before. He'd pulled his lavender hair back into a severe looking ponytail (well at least as severe a pony tail as his hair's wispy nature and unusual color would permit) and he was wearing the thick glasses I'd watched him pick up. We ran down five flights of stairs, out into the street, across the street, and down into a subway tunnel. I vaulted over the turnstile and yelled back to Todd, "Pay my fare for me, ok?" I ran and got on the first train I saw, and then as the doors were closing I saw a flash of lavender heading the wrong direction. Fortunately, he was close enough that I could grab him by the ponytail and drag him into the car with me. The doors didn't quite smash him, but they did send his glasses flying. Why did we have to get on a train whose last stop had been an all girls' high school?

Someone shrieked. "OOOH, catch the pretty purple-haired bishie boy! And the Persocom!" Instantly, we were mobbed by, well, there couldn't have been more than fifty, but it seemed like hundreds, of high school girls in sailor fukus. For a minute, all was pandemonium. Then Todd smiled and sparkled the lot of them into unconsciousness. Todd gave a small sigh of relief. The only people left awake in the train car were we, a guy Persocom that was trying to revive its owner, and a strangely western-looking girl with short tan hair and her nose in a book. I noticed it was an epic fantasy by Teresa Edgerton and then I noticed something else strange about the girl.

"She has cat ears, Todd." I said urgently, "Please tell me she actually has cat ears and I'm not hallucinating."

"She has cat ears. So? Haven't you ever seen a neko-girl before?" Todd replied.

"Only in -, ah, yes, that would explain it. I keep forgetting despite constant reminders, we aren't in Kansas anymore, Toto."

Suddenly the girl's head whipped up from the book. "Unfamiliarity with human-animal hybrids, quoting from the Wizard of Oz, and that all too familiar voice…. DAMNIT ASHE! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" with that, she launched herself at my throat, and I recognized her with a start.

"Sar-" I managed to get out before her hands around my neck blocked off what ever serves Persocoms as a windpipe. Then, she stopped. Apparently she'd noticed my new ears.

"What happened to you? You're a Persocom. What's with the tux? Who's the purple-haired kid,"

"It's not purple, it's lavender." Todd put in,

"And how in the three circles of Hell did he knock all the other girls out?" Sarah continued her relentless questioning. You remember Sarah, right? The girl I was walking home with? Well she stood before us, same as ever, but wearing a sailor fuku school uniform and sporting cat ears, tail, and three-inch-long claws.

I did my best to explain, with Todd butting in as needed. "Yeah, I appear to be a Persocom. I woke up in the middle of the road and I was like this. I got hauled home by a Sailor Moon fanatic who dressed me like this and attempted to force me to play LA Sailor Moon RPG with her and her friends, I rebelled, she tazered me with her moon scepter, I woke up with him staring at me."

"I'm Yurashima Todahashi, a friend of Usagi's older brother. I often had to defend him against her wrath, so when I heard Ashe's plight I was sympathetic, and helped him get away from the moonatics using the technique you just witnessed. I call it the Sparkle Paralysis Beam."

"In other words his smile is so damned Bishounen it causes girls to swoon. "

"Basically. We came to the train station, and I meant to take him back to my apartment to use as a base of our operations, but then he dragged me on to a train going the opposite direction, and the doors knocked my glasses off, which then forced me to cause the scene before us. By the way, how do you two know each other, and do you have any idea which train this is?'

"This is the non-stop express to Osaka." Sarah informed him.

"WHAT! That's going to use up my entire rail-pass! Shit." Todd exclaimed.

"Todd, this is Sarah,"

"Satchi Saraneikois the name I'm using in this place."

"The one person in this dimension that can confirm that I'm actually human!" I continued as though she hadn't interrupted me, "She's from my world, too! We were both human in our world, we were changed somehow when we came here." In my momentary enthusiasm –and to keep those damn claws away from my neck, I was dripping pseudo blood from ten holes already-I took her clawed hands in mine and realized they were covered in pale-blond fur. I filed that piece of info away in my mind and continued my speech. "Sarah! I'm sorry you got pulled into this, but I swear, none of it's my fault! Only by uniting forces can we ever hope to get back to our home world, and regain our humanity! Please, help me escape the cruel Usagi and search for a way home!"

For about a millisecond I thought I saw pity in her eyes. Then I knew better. Slitted pupils don't betray much emotion, but I knew Sarah well enough to recognize the disbelief and derision in that glare.

"Did I hear you right, Ashe? You want to go home? Ashe! We're in Japan! Japan for Chrissakes! Granted, it's not our world's Japan, but it's even better! This is the Japan that every American Otaku has envisioned at least once, even the ones who know better! Neko girls, Persocoms, Bishounen with hair every color of the rainbow! Spontaneous showers of sakura petals, youkai, sailor senshi! This is the Japan every anime otaku who makes the pilgrimage to their Mecca is disappointed at not finding! And you want to go home? What's there for you?"

"I'd be satisfied with just being human again." I replied. "A Persocom must obey any direct order from their owner, and my owner is a Sailor Moon fanatic! And even if I got rid of her, what's to keep my next owner from being worse? In this world Persocoms have no more rights then say, cars in our world! I want to be human again! And if that means going home then I'm happy to go home! What's with your outfit, any way? I never thought I'd see you in a dress, much less a sailor fuku."

"It's a long story, but we've got time, I guess." She sighed, and began.

_A/n yay I found a stopping point! Whew. Not as long as I had feared. So what do ya think? Plez review!_


	5. Sarah's Adventures in Anime Land

Chapter 5: Sarah's Adventures in Anime Land

(_A/N well, it's approximately one page of chapter 5. Don't worry there will be more. If you thought you read all of chapter four, but don't remember the events leading up to Sarah's narrative, go back to chapter 4. You likely missed my update when I posted more of ch 4 because I think author alert only sends out e-mail for new chapters, not replacing old chapters with new content. I try to e-mail people, but not every one has an e-mail available, and I don't always have time. )_

"I was luckier then you were in regards to landing places, but only slightly."

"How could you be only slightly luckier?! I nearly got run over by a truck and then a Sailor Moon fan took me home with her!" I complained.

" Believe me, I'm taking all that into account. Shut up and listen. I landed, fully-clothed, fortunately, in a hot spring whose only other occupant was a kitsune-guy with an unhealthy obsession with neko people. And since I appeared out of nowhere, I guess he'd decided I was a gift from the gods, since he immediately started babbling at a mile a minute in Japanese, and the words I heard over and over were, arigato, kami, and neko-tenchi-sama. While he was thanking the gods, I crawled over to a rock and pulled myself out. I thought, _well, at least I'm warm and drenched now, instead of cold and drenched from the rain._ Then I just put my head in my hands and wondered why I was worrying about water temperature when there was a guy with fox ears and a fox tail fervently thanking the gods for something in Japanese. And I noticed that my ears weren't in the right place, nor were they the correct shape. Couldn't deal with that. Ask the easy (er) questions first, then worry about the how and why of it all.

"Where am I?" I asked.

" Earth, Japan, Tokyo, The Satchi family's hot spring resort hotel. I don't know English good so excuse me a moment."

Well that was a pretty specific definition. I was surprised he didn't give me he longitude and latitude too. Not that any of it did me any good. Which Japan? Which Tokyo? Since when does Japan have honest to god kitsune? Since when are there hot springs in Tokyo for that matter?

Then the kitsune guy came back, and following him was a kitsune girl in a French maid's outfit with strange eyes that seemed too big for her face and didn't reflect light normally. '

"Persocom, right?" I put in.

"Yeah. She was carrying a stack of towels and clothes,"

"Speaking of towels, he _was_ wearing one right?" I butted in.

"Yes, he had a towel tied around his waist, thank God. I had no wish to see how far down the short red orange fur on his chest extended. When the girl saw me crouched on my rock, she smiled and said in English, "I'm Shikami, one of the Satchi family Persocoms. So you're the little cat angel Seiya-dono claims was sent to him by the gods. I have orders to translate for you from Seiya-dono, and orders to see that you get dry and warm and also are protected from Seiya-dono's obsession with cat-girls from Sada-sama. (_A/N Shikami addresses each family member however he/she wishes to be addressed, and these suffixes don't reflect the structure of the family or anything, just that Seiya has the biggest ego, insisting upon a hyper formal archaic suffix from all the Persocoms, also don't ask me why she uses the Japanese suffixes in English, but she does). _"There's a bathroom you can use to change over there. I apologize if the outfit is not what you're used to, but my clothes were the only ones without a tail hole far too big for your tail, as the skirt is short enough in back I don't need a tail hole."

"My tail…"I said faintly, reaching back to observe that yes, there was indeed a tail there. I took the offered towels and clothes, and went to the changing room indicated. When I took a good look at the outfit, a pink and navy variant of the one Shikami was wearing, I solemnly vowed that I would strangle Ashe when I saw him again, if I ever saw him again, because somehow this was likely all his fault.


	6. Sarah's Adventures in Anime Land part 2

"I put on the outfit, and slunk out of the bathroom. If only it had been a little warmer and less windy, I would have just stayed in my wet clothes. But as things were, I walked out to find Seiya and Shikami waiting for me.

"So….Hot, I think they say? Kawaii!" Seiya the fox boy said, his nose bleeding copiously. Then he ran towards me like he was going to hug me. He didn't get very far. Shikami and I simultaneously kicked him in the stomach, hard. He went flying through the rice screen wall and into the hot spring beyond. He surfaced, sputtering, and shook his head vigorously to disperse the water droplets clinging to his hair. I put my arm in front of my face to shield my glasses from the flying water droplets.

"Please don't touch me without my permission." I said calmly. I really felt like cursing him out, but I figured I'd save that for later, in case he did any thing really assine. Shikami faithfully translated, somehow managing to obey both her directives. Another fox girl came into the room and introduced herself in English.

"I'm Satchi Sada. That lecher is my brother, unfortunately. Welcome to the Satchi Hot Springs Resort. Where are you from? My brother keeps insisting you fell from the sky. "

"I'm from the USA, but a different world's USA. I don't really expect you to believe that, but at any rate I'm here. I have no money, no other clothes, I don't know very much Japanese, I don't know any one here, and something tells me getting home won't be as easy as getting on an airplane. My name is Sarah Pritchard, or Pritchard Sarah I guess is how you'd put it."

"That's no problem at all!" Sada said brightly. "You can say here for as long as you like."

Sarah eyed the pink swirls in the hot spring dubiously.

"Don't worry, we'll put him in a cage and chain him down if necessary, he won't touch you. But you'll need a name that's easier to pronounce, if you stay with us, then you can just use our family name…. How about Satchi Saraneiko?"

"I guess that would work. If you really mean it about staying here, I guess I will, for a while at least. I should get a job or something, but I'd need to speak Japanese first."

"How old are you?"

"16."

"Then you can go to school with me! I go to Murasaki Academy For Girls."

"Same problem, I don't speak Japanese."

"That's fine! I don't speak English well, either. I'm using…" She made the exact pose Ashe from Pokemon makes when he's caught a new Pokemon, "…My Handy Dandy Lapel Pin translator!" I examined the pin she held out, it looked like an anime character pin except about twice as thick. It was in the shape of a cartoon kitsune with three tails. About five minutes later a "bur bur burbur!" rang out from the bushes. I poked my head over the bush to see what appeared to be a house elf from the Harry Potter movies clutching a trumpet, but then I noticed it had the same empty eyes as Shikami.

"Is that a houseelfcom or something?"

"An early prototype. It will do anything you ask of it, but five minutes late. And if you give it clothes it stops obeying entirely. Well, come on in and meet the rest of the family and then Shikami will measure you and order some clothes. "

"Sounds good to me. Are you sure your parents don't mind? I'll pay them back as soon as I can, but I don't know when I'll have money."

"I'm sure. We're delighted to have you." She led me into the building that seemed to be a hotel. "We live on the second floor. These are the guest rooms." We went upstairs and emerged in what seemed to be a dining area and living room in one. There were four kitsune people already there and three kitsune Persocoms clad like Shikami and me. A dignified older couple whom I pegged as Seiya and Sada's parents sat watching TV, their mother wearing a pale blue kimono and their father wearing a long-sleeved dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and pants which matched the suit jacket slung over the back of the couch. He was holding a white-haired little boy on his lap. Other than the fact that he was wearing a strange pair of sunglasses, the little boy seemed more human then any one else I had met today. Normal ears, no tail except his white ponytail. A girl that looked about fourteen was laying on the floor staring so intently at a textbook that I turned my head until I could see around it. She was reading a manga inside the book.

"Hi, um, Konichiwa. I'm Sarah Pritchard. Thank you so much, I'm sorry to impose upon you like this. Everything here is so strange to me, I'll get a job and pay you back as soon as I can. You're all taking this more calmly then I would have had situations been reversed. Do people fall randomly from the sky a lot here?"

"I'm Satchi Hirosuke. We're pleased to have you. We have plenty of space, and since my grandfather discovered what is still apparently the only natural hot spring in downtown Tokyo, money hasn't been an issue for this family. Sala Pricklard is it? Could you use something easier to pronounce for school?"

"Your daughter suggested Satchi Saraneiko."

"Perfect! Saraneiko-san it is! This lovely kitsune next to me is my wonderful wife, Sakura. This child is Suichi. We are watching over him for his parents. "

"I'm pleased to have you with us, Saraneiko-san. Our younger daughter Keiko is the one studying on the floor there. We were quite amazed when she took such an interest in Biology. " Sakura said.

"Specializing in human anatomy of course." A dripping wet Seiya commented with out a trace of sarcasm as he looked over her shoulder, shaking the water out of his fur.

"yeeeee!" Keiko squealed. "You're getting me all wet!" One of the Persocoms walked over handed her a towel. Another Persocom flung a bigger towel over Seiya's head.

"And I'd always thought Persocoms didn't have much personality." I commented.

"What's the joy in that?" A boy commented as he walked up the stairs and emerged into the room carrying what appeared to be a severed hand for a minute until I noticed wires sticking out.

"A Persocom part?" I asked.

"Yeah, creepy, huh?" Keiko commented. "You should see his room, boobs and legs and heads and arms and fingers everywhere!" She shuddered delicately.

"Keiko!" Her mother warned.

Hirosuke just laughed. "This is our resident Persocom designer, Alexei. He created all the Persocoms that work here. Alexei, meet our newest adoptee, Saraneiko. She's American also."

"Yo." The totally humanoid brunette boy about my age waved. "My parents had a strange sense of humor. My full name is Alexander Lucifer Beelzebub Smith. Either Alexei or Luke is fine." He pushed his glasses up his nose and pulled what looked like half of a pair of clip-on sunglasses out of his pocket and clipped it on a lens of his glasses. "Hate to run, but Xena can't move her pinky, and a sword is not a friggin' tea cup. Pardon my French, but her owner will be quite disappointed if she's not ready for the convention this weekend. You going to Murasaki with Sada? Take Comp Sci, the prof is cool." With those apparently unrelated comments, he grabbed another random shiny thing off a bookcase, probably what he'd left his lair to get in the first place, and vanished back down the stairs again.

Shikami reappeared with a violet tape measure wrapped around her wrist, ends dangling. "Saraneiko-sama, how would you prefer to be addressed?" I thought it over and decided on something neutral.

"Sara-san would be fine, Shikami."

"Sara-san, please come with me. Sada has requested that we put you in a room downstairs, since the only remaining room on this floor is Keith-kun's old one and right next to Seiya's. Come with me, I have it all set up and I'll measure you for clothes. I got a yukata from our guest inventory, I figured that might be adequate for you to sleep in tonight."

"Thank you." I followed her to my room.

I was halfway done changing into the yukata she left me as sleepwear when I noticed a flicker of movement above me. Then I saw a telltale flash of orange above an inch wide hole in the ceiling. I grabbed a conveniently placed scythe (a reject from a Sailor Saturn costume, perhaps?) and slammed it through the ceiling. Good news, I got his nose. Bad news, he fell through the newly enlarged hole, clad in nothing but a pair of pink boxers with naked neko-girls posing in lurid positions with Japanese characters and hearts covering key portions of their anatomy. So now instead of a kitsune pervert spying on me from above, I had a bleeding kitsune pervert in pink boxers ogling me from the floor. I kicked him through the closed door into the hallway, pulled the yukata all the way on and tied it shut, and pulled my dresser in front of the remnants of my door so he couldn't crawl back in when he regained consciousness. I walked over to the computer screen built into one wall and pressed the room service button. A smiling Persocom with a pastel green beehive set between long, thin elf ears appeared.

"Room Service. How may I help yo- Oh, Sara-san, how pleasant to meet you! I'm Kari."

"Hi Kari. Seiya-san fell through my ceiling and I had to kick him out of my room, so could you send somebody to fix my door and ceiling? ….Oh yeah, maybe a medic also. I hit him kind of hard with that scythe. Whose idea was that?"

"…The ceiling AND the door? The scythe was Sada's idea. We had all hoped you wouldn't have to use it, but I calculated an 85 percent chance that you would. Sorry, probabilities are my little hobby, I'm in charge of keeping track of bets placed by our guests, they often bet on horse races in places as far away as the US. I'll get right on it. Medic and carpenter on their way, Luke-nii-san may follow them, he monitors COM channels if he gets bored."

Within minutes, the cavalry arrived. I heard a sweet chirpy voice ask, "Does it hurt when I do _this_?" and then an inarticulate scream of pain from Seiya in response. Then there was a knock on my dresser.

"Hello again, Sara-san. It's I, Luke. I have the carpenter you requested." I moved the dresser away from the doorway and revealed Luke in a 3\/1L L337 T-shirt, a human looking Persocom with long brown hair pulled into pigtails carrying a toolbox, and a pink-furred purple-haired neko-girl Persocom in a white lab coat poking and prodding Seiya's bloody nose with evident enjoyment. Luke followed my gaze to the pair and shook his head. "If I knew they were going to use her as a medic, I never would have made her such a sadist. I thought that she'd have to be one to survive being around that pervert. If you think humans can hold a grudge? They ain't got nothin' on Persocoms. Takes a Hell of a lot to piss off most Persocoms, but they never forget. They're designed to remember. Yeah, sure, you can wipe their hard drive, but that's a heck of a lot of trouble to go through to get rid of one memory you may not even know they have." I realized that there hadn't been a tiny delay between when he spoke and I heard him, like there had been with every one else, except Seiya when I first landed.

"You're speaking English." I said, not knowing how to reply to his earlier comments, "You fix Xena's finger?"

"Yep, just a blood clot." At my quizzical look, he elaborated. "Persocoms move using intricate hydraulic systems. Their 'blood' (air quotes) is equivalent to brake fluid. Sometimes stuff gets in and stops up the system."

At that point, I broke into Sarah's narrative yet again. "So that's why I bleed!" I said, looking at the red streaks down my shirt.

She glared at me and then returned to her narrative. "As I was saying, while Luke and I had been talking, the brunette had pulled in a ladder and began patching my ceiling.

"Do I want to know what those stupid boxers say? Oh, and what's her name?" I asked.

"They say approximately 'I want my own neko-com!' That is Kyoko. She's one of the youngest here. I finally finished downloading all the carpentry data two months ago, hang on, lemme call a Laptop to hold her nails." He said as a nail hit him squarely on his head. I wondered if it was an accident. He tapped something into my wall panel screen; I guess they call 'em COMs, and about thirty seconds later a Persocom the size of a Barbie doll rollerbladed into the room. She stood on one foot and tapped her left heel. The wheels on her pink sneakers so out of keeping with the Roman-style armor and tunica complete with helmet crest retracted and she lost another quarter inch of height.

"What will ye, milord Emperor?" She asked with a bow, her strange Irish burr matching her fiery red hair but clashing with the rest of her outfit.

"Ah, she sent you, Gladiatrix. Excellent. Go hold Kyoko's nails so she doesn't drop any more." Luke said, beaming.

"Yes, milord." She said, bowing again before rushing up the ladder to Kyoko's aid.

"The Roman name for a female gladiator. Creative, but why's she dressed like a general? They'd never waste that kind of equipment on a slave. Celtic makes a certain amount of sense, I guess, but I doubt many of them captured made it to personal assistant to the emperor."

"I'm surprised you know that much about her character. She was a prop for a pitch for an alternate history anime that never happened. I took her back when her commissioner couldn't pay my bill."

"Two years of Latin class. We watched a movie titled Gladiatrix when our teacher was on maternity leave. You have many customers fall through on their payments?"

"A few. My Persocoms aren't cheap, and most don't bother commissioning a custom job if they aren't sure they can pay for it. I got three back all at once when a client was convicted of embezzlement. He had paid all but the last payment on all three; he ordered them as a set. My lawyer proved her worth there, insisting I get the type of contracts I do. I got all but three hundred dollars of the payments, plus I got the 'coms back. I have to do so many buybacks though; I'd be in danger of bankruptcy if it weren't for the Satchi family. You'd be amazed by how many people discover they didn't want a Persocom with an actual personality after all. On the other hand, more and more of the people who actually do are finding me, and almost all of the rejected 'coms have found a home here. They all wear those silly maid outfits, but Picametre is allowed to wear her lab coat as a badge of office and Kyoko wears coveralls when she paints, the rest of the time she has leggings under the outfit since, as you can see, her jobs put her in positions where it'd be easy for guys to look up her skirt, and the maids got really sick of cleaning up the bloodstains. I'm glad they didn't have one for Gladiatrix, she's too small."

"Bloodstains? She have self defense programming?" I asked.

"Well, yeah, but she never needed it. The guys would pass out when their windpipes got clogged with blood. They could have just looked down, but…"

"The view wasn't nearly as interesting. That sounds like most of the guys I know." I yawned. "Looks like Kyoko is done with the ceiling, I've got to get some sleep, what day of the week is it?"

Luke looked at his watch. "Um, Tuesday now, I think."

"Shit, means I'm getting dragged to school tomorrow, I'd bet. Have Kyoko fix the door tomorrow; ah you know what I mean. I'll use the dresser for tonight." They left and I dragged the dresser across the doorway again and crashed on the sleeping mat, oblivious to bits of ceiling and bloodstains.

I was awakened within about three hours, six am local time I guess, by a timid knock on the dresser.

"Sara-san? It's Kari. I just stopped by to tell you that in light of your eventful night, you will start school tomorrow. Sada has offered her room to you while she's at school, so you can get some sleep while Shikami and I clean up this one."

"Thanks, Kari" I replied, dragging the dresser away from the doorframe. I pulled my yukata a little further closed and grabbed my pillow. "Lead on." I told Kari. I followed her to Sada's room and crashed on her pink fuzzy comforter, falling asleep almost instantly. "

Suddenly the lights in the train went out, breaking Sarah's narrative. She cursed as an automated voice repeated in smooth soothing tones that they were experiencing minor technical difficulties, and she was sure they'd be resolved shortly.


End file.
